My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can text with my tongue
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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