That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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