Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
