Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
