Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
