I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
