he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You've changed since you got that strap on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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