You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
