My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
