I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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