I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
