I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
even my farts smell like vagina
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
