so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
