my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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