i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
