Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
