He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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