i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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