Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
