It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
