There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
