I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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