so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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