yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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