Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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