Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
