I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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