Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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