next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
