Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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