She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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