@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
