i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
no you cant smoke seaweed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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