I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
