i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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