He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
