My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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