he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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