He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
