He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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