so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
