I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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