i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
