i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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