you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
