Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
