Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
