I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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