ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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