what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
