Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
