I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
