and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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