I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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