just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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