I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
