dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
