you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
