I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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