even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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