you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
