Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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