I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
