just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
