i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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