Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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