you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror