good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL