i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.