you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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