Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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