Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
