so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
