he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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