My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
