i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
